


'Til the Day I Die

by Gooberforgubler80



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt Spencer Reid, POV Spencer Reid, Sad Spencer Reid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 10:13:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17160119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gooberforgubler80/pseuds/Gooberforgubler80
Summary: You had enough of Spencer putting his job before you, and so you left. This is the aftermath of Spencer dealing with the loss of you, seeking comfort in Dilaudid, and memories of you.Based on the song Youngblood by 5 Seconds of Summer.





	'Til the Day I Die

Remember the words you told me, love me ‘til the day I die

Surrender my everything 'cause you made me believe you’re mine

We had been together for 8 years, married for 6. I married you when you were fresh out of high school and I was finishing my 3rd bachelor’s degree; we were both 18. You were there when I abused Dilaudid and held me while I went through withdrawals. You were there when my father died, it was like he walked out of my life all over again. You promised you’d never let me go, let us go, that you’d fight until your dying day to keep what we had.

But I guess people break promises, right?

‘I’m sorry.’ Was the note you left on my nightstand with your ring. I clutched the piece of scrap paper to my chest for what felt like the millionth time that day, the lavender stationary stained with tears of days gone by, but I could still make out your delicate writing. Your wedding ring sat untouched where you’d left it. Your side of the bed was still the same. I couldn’t bring myself to change the sheets, the pillowcases, or the blankets, even though it had been 3 months. I felt like I was giving up on you and on us if I changed anything.

Yeah, you used to call me baby, now you calling me by name

I give and I give and I give and you take, give and you take

“Spencer,” my name slipped through your lips in a whisper during one of our fights. They had gotten more frequent lately, usually about my job. You said I was married to my job and you felt like the other woman. You weren’t the other woman, you never were.

You had called me Spence, or some silly little pet name you had thought up from the moment we met. That’s why I knew it was over when you called me Spencer.

I wish I hadn’t walked out and slammed the door on you that night. I left in a fit of rage, wanting to numb every last nerve ending in my body. With what? I wasn’t sure. I felt like every time I gave you the world, handed you my love and devotion on a platter, it was never enough for you.

Say you want me Out of your life

And I’m just a dead man walking tonight

I found the spare vial of Dilaudid in the glove box of our car after a particularly long and arduous fight. I knew if I dug further back I would most definitely find a needle within the small cavern. And find one I did. The pale moonlight glinted softly off the shaft of the needle. I drew the clear liquid in, imagining the nirvana that it soon would provide. Rolling up my shirt sleeve, I traced the pad of my thumb over the track marks of days past. The needle perched on the edge of my skin, right over a single pockmark.

No. I couldn’t do it. I had promised you that I would get better, that I wouldn’t let something absorb my life so fully again. I tossed the syringe angrily against the passenger window, the fragile barrel snapping in two, and I cried. I cried because I felt lost, alone, and defeated. Like something I had worked so hard on was being ripped from my grasp faster than I could comprehend.

That feeling of utter loneliness, abandonment, and defeat only intensified when I decided to come home that night and found you had left. Your wedding ring lay on my bedside table along with your key to the house. A simple ‘I’m Sorry’ was delicately scrawled on a piece of paper. A piece of paper that I held to my chest that night as I cried. I cried for every time I had put the FBI above you, I cried for every time you called while you were in high school and I refused to answer because I was ‘too stressed’ with college. I cried for the fight we had when you finally, in a fit of rage, screamed “I DON’T KNOW WHY I MARRIED YOU!”. I cried because I knew exactly why I married you. 

Say you want me Back in your life

So I’m just a dead, man crawling tonight

It was a rainy Sunday night when you finally showed up. You said you had left some stuff in the spare room that you needed. Your hair stuck to your forehead as you stood on the front porch.

“Hi. Can I come in?” You questioned as I finally gathered the courage to make eye contact. I stepped to the side and motioned you in. You walked upstairs to the spare room and slammed the door. A sound that had become all too familiar in our house.

“Y/N..” I started, walking into the room. You were in the closet emptying out photo albums. Leaving behind the pictures of us from vacations, birthdays, Christmases and even our wedding.

“What is it, Spencer?” You gritted your teeth as you pulled another photo out and tossed it on the bed.

“Why can’t we work this out like adults? You know I love you, I love us. I wouldn’t have married anyone else at 18 if I wasn’t truly in love with them. I fell in love with you when you moved in next door at 12 years old. I fell in love with you when we shared our first kiss at 14, and then when you finally agreed to date me at 16. I’ve always loved you, Y/N. You were never the other woman when it came to my job. You were always the only woman.” I sighed sadly, tears forming in the corners of my eyes which I rapidly blinked away.

“Why should we work this out? It’s not like we have kids we have to protect. You told me you didn’t want to have kids after I made it perfectly clear I wanted nothing more than to have your children and I didn’t care about them being predisposed to addiction or schizophrenia or autism. I wanted kids with you because I loved you, Spencer,” You spat out, pushing past me and walking into the master bedroom. You had left some jewelry in your nightstand and I figured you wanted it back.

“What’s this?” You called from the bedroom. I assumed you were pointing at the jewelry I had laid out on the bed for you. Your wedding ring sat amongst the necklaces and bracelets because I couldn’t bring myself to look at it any longer.

“What’s what?” I came to stand behind you, the familiar scent of your shampoo wafted through my nostrils and I couldn’t stop the wave of emotion that crashed over me.

“Those vials. Is that Dilaudid…Spence…” The last part slipped through your lips as a whisper as you whipped around and grasped my wrist.

“Sleeves. Up.” You commanded, motioning for me to roll up my sleeves. I complied, the silvery track marks dotting my arm, some fresher than others. But they were all just scars, memories of days past. The pad of your thumb washed over the dots, looking for any that were fresh or raised, when you didn’t find any, you raised your tear-glistened eyes to mine.

“Why?” You whispered as your hand cupped my face. I leaned into your touch and shrugged.

“I didn’t feel like there was much to live for after I lost you. I thought the drug would numb the pain but I could never do it. Not after what we went through together.” I sighed as my hand wrapped around yours. Tears began to escape our eyes, neither one of us caring about putting up a wall around our emotions like we had been doing.

You quickly turned around and cleaned the bed of the jewelry, placing it back in the nightstand and pulled me to lay by you. Your hand found it’s way back to my face, but this time, your lips found their way to mine. It felt comfortable, right, familiar. It was everything I had missed for 4 months and more. It was like a warm hug or a bowl of soup. The way we melded together as you kissed me like you’d never kissed me before.

“I love you, I always have and I always will,” You whispered as you placed a chaste kiss on my lips. The bitter salt of our mingling tears combined with the sweet relief that I had you back, back in my arms.

“You were always my first woman, never the other woman. And I promise that every free moment I have outside of work will be spent reminding you just how much I love you,” I whispered kissing your forehead softly.

Remember the words you told me, love me 'til the day I die


End file.
